Category Archives: Proof Reading

July 12, 2012 · 10:21 am

Winchester Hampshire Regiment Museum ~ Many thanks

In Ancasta, one of Harriet’s sons worked in a bicycle shop before WW1. I knew there was a bicycle shop in Woolston having discovered a wonderful book of collected memories, of people in Woolston and the surrounding area, in Southampton Library about ten years ago. It just goes to show how a snippet of information gleaned many years before can pop into your  head when planning a new novel.

Well,Tom, that’s the name of this young man, led me a merry dance and I’ll explain why:

I had found a list of the Hampshire Regiments on the internet and was pleased to discover the  9th (Cyclist) Battalion. Perfect, I thought, and I began to scribe ideas for possible chapters. My immediate thought was that he could be a messenger on the Front, until I found to my horror that men fought on bicycles during the Great War much like charging on horseback. I was beginning to feel out of my depth here and so the best way forward was to seek an expert, so I turned to the Regiment Museum in Winchester.

Firstly I spoke to a helpful lady, the assistant curator Rachel Holmes, who kindly photocopied the most detailed account they had of the Battalion’s movements. I had already discovered a limited amount on the internet. (I quickly learnt never rely on the internet for research, unless you can find at least two sites to back up your findings, and even then it’s best to find hard evidence) I soon realised that my man never set foot in France at all, or even in Europe for that matter. It took a while before he was even posted, but in the end he went much further afield than that. I won’t spoil the story by telling you the details, but he travelled to a much more exotic part of the world, and being a timid sort of a chap, it was quite a harrowing experience.

Anyway, once I had drafted my couple of chapters I telephoned Rachel again, and thanked her for her help, asking if she would mind reading my chapters through and giving me feedback. It was at this point that she introduced me to Lt Colonel Colin Bulleid, the curator of the museum, who read the part of my manuscript, picking me up on valuable points like, ‘Tom would not have been able to carry a full pack on his back whilst cycling,’ the correct usage of the terms ‘unit’, ‘section’ and ‘battalion’, suggestions that I refer to the censored details of letters…..

There was one point though, which would have changed the whole direction of several chapters of the story, so I gave him a call and asked him what he thought. His reply was,

‘You know Diana, I had to let you know what I thought about it, but since you probably now know as much if not more about the 9th Regiment than anyone else, then I’d take a lot of my comments with a pinch of salt if I were you.’

I laughed and thanked him again, claiming poetic licence. After all, when all is said and done,

Ancasta ~ Guide me Swiftly Home is fiction.

However real the characters are to me now!

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April 14, 2011 · 4:17 pm

What’s in a name? An honest Blunder

Just a quickie to let you know of a pit I have fallen into with names, not just once but twice.

In the past families have often named son after father or grandfather and it is still commonplace to name a baby after a friend you admire or someone you love. That’s all very well in real life, or if the revered persona is diseased, but in a novel you get into deep water if you fall into this trap.

Before the final proof read in Riduna I had named the father of my hero Jo but also Edward’s cousin Young Joe (I know there is a male and female issue here but in my ignorance I did not think of that at the time) Well, this was all very well when Jo the father was on the island of Riduna but Joe the cousin was on Sarnia. They were different scenes which in those days were world apart. The problem came at the end of the novel when Joe visited Riduna.(Alderney) Oh dear. Then things got very complicated indeed. In the end I solved the problem by calling Old Jo, Joseph. That was all very well but I had also confused my editor who had changed some of the Jo’s to Joe’s thinking I’d made several typing errors and so I couldn’t resort to find and replace and had to painstakingly check right through the manuscript before publication.

Now, you would have thought I would have learnt my lesson. When I was planning my next novel which is both standalone and a sequel to Riduna and I hope to have in print by the end of the year, I returned to my original characters I realised my mistake. I had thought it cute for Joe and Harriet to call their baby daughter after their good friend Sarah Mortimer back on Sarnia. This was no problem because they were in Woolston and Miss Mortimer was in Sarnia. (Guernsey) By this time baby Sarah was now married and early in the novel she visited Sarnia. Pow! A helpful friend said, ‘You can’t call her Miss Mortimer all through the story; it sounds a bit strange.

With ingenuity I came up with a solution, but you’ll have to wait to read the novel to find out how!

On a personal note my mother’s home must have been fun to live in. My mum’s name is Patricia. Her brother, whose name is really Bryan, was nicknamed Pat after his father. Strangely enough his father’s real name was Dennis, but was nicknamed Patrick because he was born on March 17th, St Patrick’s Day. The question is, when my grandma, whose name certainly wasn’t Pat, called out ‘Pat’, I wonder who responded, or maybe no one answered at all!

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April 11, 2011 · 4:46 pm

‘The Last Word’ or ‘Oh dear, which word?’

As an English teacher I’m intrigued by the power of words and why, when proof reading, I change one for another or delete it altogether. Looking carefully at the words we use is only one small part of the proof reading process, but nevertheless it is a vital one if we want our writing to flow with ingenuity and succinctness and, more importantly, we hope that the story will read seamlessly.

Here are some of my word sins. Are they the same as yours?

1.       Repetition of a word

Repetition is the most obvious culprit. It creeps up on me unawares when I am writing, so much so that when proof reading I feel a painful ouch of embarrassment. How could I do that? I’ll give you an example from my recent reading.

Within a small stretch of conversation I had written the word ‘island’ four times. Oh dear! What to do? Changing three of these to ‘place’, ‘Riduna’ and ‘there’ suddenly and simply had the conversation flowing happily again.

2.       Repetition of a concept

I often find that I have repeated myself but with different vocabulary. Why, I do not know?

(Ha. I’ve even noticed it my sentence above – suddenly, simply and happily all in one breathe – back to the drawing board!)

Anyway, here is another example:

‘welcoming them home cheerily, with good humour’ I changed to ‘welcoming them cheerily’

3.        Adverbs

If in doubt leave it out!

I remembered being most indignant on the first writing course when I heard that I should to be selective with my use of adverbs and to try to leave them out altogether if I could. As a teacher I was dismayed by the quality of my student’s writing and had always encouraged them to use more adverbs and adjectives but I gradually realised that the majority were superfluous. Nevertheless old habits are hard to break and an example I reread this morning was:

‘He nodded his head silently.’ which became ‘He nodded.’ Why? Of course he was nodding his head and of course he was silent! I am stating the obvious twofold, but I still catch myself doing it.

4.     ‘To boldly go’

The age worn joke still sets me questioning. When I do decide to use the occasional adverb, especially in relation to time, where should I place it in a sentence. For example:

‘When he did finally wake up,’ becomes the more succinct, ‘Finally, when he woke up,’ …..

5.    Word fillers

I have to watch out for unnecessary words, big time. They slip in, leaving me unawares and, even when I think I’m proof reading for the final time, I find them lurking. Your list may be quite different to mine but these are a few I’ve noticed recently:

at all, just, then, specifically, actually, still, now, somewhat, really

‘he just glanced over his shoulder’           becomes             ‘he glanced over his shoulder’

6.       A ‘better word’ or choosing ‘apt vocabulary’

We’ve all reread sentences and puzzled long and hard over particular words and even turned to a Thesaurus in our despair. Occasionally we arrive at a solution which makes us buzz with excitement and at others we are just pleased with the improvement.

‘He was a little embarrassed at first,’   became ‘He reddened.’

7.       Finally – avoiding time worn phrases

It’s hard not to fall into the trap of using these, but it is whilst proof reading, when the story is already comfortingly recorded, that you can indulge in optimizing your creativity.

‘Come on Diana,’ a kindly friend rebuked on reading a chapter. ‘I like the story and look forward to reading the rest,’ (note the encouragement before the bombshell here, the method of a diplomatic and a successful critique) ‘Everyone’s boat’s bob. Can’t you think of anything more imaginative?’ I did of course.

 ‘Small boats mingled, chattering messages as they fidgeted against the glittering water.’

These are a few of my sins with words. What are yours?

© Diana Jackson April 9th 2011

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